The Road to Nibleheim
by Nefor
Summary: One shot.  Zack and Sephiroth are ordered to check out the Nibleheim reactor.  On the way they must deal with inept underlings, misunderstandings and worst of all, a nosy narrator.  Rated T for language and violent humor.


Final Fantasy 7 one shot

Zack and Sephiroth are ordered to check out the Nibleheim reactor. On the way they must deal with inept underlings, misunderstandings and worst of all, a nosy narrator.

Rated T for language and violent humor

I own no characters or settings.

The Road to Nibleheim

Running down the hallway, a lone figure tries to make up for lost time. Wearing a long black cape, sporting long silver hair, and carrying a sword almost as tall as he is, everyone's favorite SOLDIER and villain-

What?" Sephiroth asks looking around for the source of the voice. "What do you mean villain? I'm Shinra's most famous hero."  
>Uh, don't ask.<br>"I really think I need to know."  
>No, you don't; you'll find out soon enough.<br>"I don't have time for this. I'm late for my meeting with President Shinra."

A few moments later, Sephiroth is standing in front of President Shinra.  
>"Who said that?" the president asks.<br>"I don't know sir," Sephiroth begins, "I found it best to just ignore him."  
>"Very well," Shinra begins, "I've called you here because of some very disturbing information." He then gives Sephiroth a report. "Does he have to give a play by play of all of our actions?"<br>"Apparently," Sephiroth says under his breath.  
>I heard that! And yes I do; I'm the narrator; it's in my job description. I have to inform the reader of actions, dialog, plot points-<br>"Sorry I asked," Shinra interrupts.  
>"You done?" Sephiroth asks. Shinra and Sephiroth both roll their eyes.<br>Sephiroth then reads the report Shinra gave him. "This IS disturbing," Sephiroth says after reading the report. "I take it you want me to find out what's going on?"  
>"Yes, I do. Take a small team. I want you on your way within the hour," Shinra orders.<br>"Yes, Sir!" Sephiroth acknowledges before marching out of the room.  
>"You're really beginning to annoy me Mr. Narrator." Shinra comments.<br>Well fortunately for you, your part in the story is concluded.  
>"Thank the promised land!"<p>

Upon returning to his quarters, Sephiroth sees his good friend and fellow SOLDIER Zack.  
>"Uh, thanks," Zack begins startled, "I think. Who are you?"<br>I'm the narrator. Just ignore me. Ask him if you don't believe me.  
>"Sir?" Zack asks his commanding officer, "may I please shoot him?"<br>"If you can find him, by all means." Sephiroth ans-  
>HEY! Wait a second. If you kill me, no one will read your story.<br>"You started it!" Zack immaturely responds. "I am TOO mature!" Sephiroth starts to giggle in his standard schoolgirl manner.  
>"WHAT!" Sephiroth screams. "School-,' Zack, on second thought, I want to kill him!"<br>Shouldn't you be getting on with the President's orders?  
>"Sir?" Zack begins, "if we don't do or say anything, we might be able to bore him enough to leave us alone."<br>"It's worth a shot," Sephiroth acknowledges.  
>Sephiroth then sits down on his bed. The two SOLDIERs sit still. Sephiroth starts twiddling his fingers. Sephiroth then starts humming to himself:<br>Estuans interius ira vehementi. Estuans interius ira vehementi-"  
>"Sephiroth<p>

Sorry, I was laughing too hard; I had to take a breather.  
>"I told you we should have left when we had the chance sir," Zack reminds Sephiroth.<br>Before we go on, what did I miss?  
>"Nothing worth going through again," Sephiroth says trying to avoid the subject.<br>"Sir, should I just tell him so he'll drop the subject?" Zack smartly suggests.  
>"No, let's just stick to the 'trying to bore him' tactic." Sephiroth annoyingly denies.<br>"Very well sir," Zack acknowledges.  
>As time goes on, Zack starts thinking about the pictures he was able to talk his girlfriend into posing for.<br>"What!" Sephiroth asks outraged. "Does he mean that sweet young girl I saw you with the other day?"  
>"It's not what you think," Zack stammers. "She's-"<br>"I DON'T CARE!" Sephiroth scolds. "If I ever hear anything about this again, I'll-"  
>What! YOU'RE defending Aeris' honor!<br>"How do you know my girlfriend's name?" Zack idiotically asks.  
>"I guess this isn't going to work," Sephiroth unwillingly concedes. "Zack, we've been ordered to Nibleheim to check out a bad Mako Reactor and to investigate some reports of monster attacks. I want you to prepare a unit."<br>"Might the two be related?" Zack asks trying to regain some of his composure.  
>"That's a part of what we're supposed to find out. Compile a team. Be ready to leave in 30 minutes." Zack then goes off to follow his orders. "And Zack," Zack stops, "tell everyone you bring with us what our orders are. I want to get this mission over with as soon as possible, because of you know who."<br>Oh that's nice.  
>"What makes you think completing this mission will get rid of him?" Zack asks.<br>"Because of the title 'The Road to Nibleheim'. I think that when we get there the story will end and everything will be back to normal."  
>Kiddies, this is known as dramatic irony.<br>"What-"  
>"Just go, Zack!"<p>

Twenty minutes later Sephiroth, Zack, a couple of guards, and everyone's favorite hero Cloud-  
>"What?" Cloud annoyingly interrupts.<br>"Oh, that's not the pot calling the kettle black!" Zack sarcastically states.  
>"I'm not even IN SOLDIER," Cloud continues, "how can I be considered a hero?"<br>DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! All will become clear in time, or at least less confusing. Anyway, where was I?  
>"Everyone's favorite hero Cloud . . . " Sephiroth nicely reminds. "Forget 'nice', I just want you to shut up."<br>Fine! Everyone's in the truck that will take them to Nibleheim. Sephiroth walks up to the window and knocks on it. After about 30 seconds, he realizes that no one is in the driver's seat.  
>"Why didn't you tell me!" Sephiroth demands.<br>This is what you get for telling me to shut up.  
>"Fine!" he yells leaving the truck. "You! You!" he shouts at two random Shinra guards. "Do you know how to drive a truck?"<br>"Yes, sir! Sephiroth sir!" the two guards yell in unison.  
>"Who said that sir?" One of the guards asks.<br>"Ignore him! We're leaving!" Sephiroth yells, practically throwing the two into the driver's compartment of the truck. "Now, go!"  
>The two guards follow orders and take off immediately, leaving a very angry Sephiroth behind.<br>"COME BACK HERE YOU IDIOTS! Hey! Mr. Narrator! Can you bring them back?"  
>Can, but won't. So, pleh!<p>

About this time Zack notices that something is missing from the truck.  
>"I do?" Zack manages to spare a neuron to say. "Will you please stop with the insults?"<br>I'm still upset about you wanting to shoot me. Anyway, Zack VERY slowly notices that what's missing isn't a something, but a someone.  
>"$#&amp;! We left Sephiroth behind!" He quickly scrambles up to the driver's window. "Stop this truck!" Everyone not secured is then hurled to the front of the truck. Cloud is barely able to keep his lunch down. "Now go back and pick up our commanding officer!"<br>"Yes, sir!" the driver acknowledges. The truck then turns around and heads back very quickly. Cloud's face is now a very interesting shade of green.  
>"Please stop talking about that." Cloud pleads.<br>They then pick up the still very angry Sephiroth.  
>"Don't... do... that... again!" Sephiroth orders through clenched teeth. Once safely aboard Sephiroth walks up to the window. "Now, you can take off!"<br>"Right away sir!" the driver acknowledges. The truck takes off again. This time Cloud fails to keep his lunch down.  
>"Cloud!" everyone on the truck yells.<br>"You!" Sephiroth yells at one of the guards, "help him clean that up!"  
>"Yes, sir" the guard reluctantly responds.<br>"Sir?" Zack begins, "please tell me that's the last weird thing that's going to happen on this trip."  
>"I really hope it is," Sephiroth answers.<p>

THE END

"Yea!" Everyone in the story yells.  
>You know what? That's it! I'm not going to write any more fanfics about you guys<p>

* * *

><p>AN: There's a sequel for those who are interested: .net/s/7983935/1/Prelude_to_Romance

"A sequel!" everyone in the story shouts in fear.

Don't worry, none of you are in it.


End file.
